CMP-AMP-SAM-MTY-09
Vimalathevi
My mother is Singhalese. She was seen in Kathirkmam and brought down here. She was very pretty those days. She couldn’t get pregnant for 7 years and later she made a vow to Kathirkamam temple and got a baby boy. Her husband (previous marriage) died due to chest disease. Later she got married again and we were born. He was 82 when he died. From when I was 9 year old my mother went through so many difficulties. She brought us up by doing labor work – plucking grass. When we were in such difficulties by brother started to work by making bunds in the paddy field and supported us. He had suffered without food and looked after us.
If we cook in the night we won’t cook during the daytime, if we cook during the day time we won’t cook for night. We didn’t have soap. We would go here and there and ask for a piece of soap to wash the vessels and then wash. At school our principal would help us by giving biscuit and books. We would come home and find out our Mom squatting somewhere without cooking. We didn’t have money to cook. What could we do with one brother’s earning? We had another brother; you know what he would do? He would throw the glass when he quarrels with someone. We wouldn’t ask anything from him because he fights with our Mother. I was 12; we went through so much difficulty till I attain age. Later for some time we were doing well. We don’t have a land. It’s our brother who earned and built the house.
The ethnic conflict started. My brother was attacked by the Muslim people, they beat him, and broke his head and hand and he got admitted in the hospital. So again for some time we were facing hardship. It was him who earned and fed us, so when he had to be at the hospital we again faced difficulties. He got healed and again during the 1990 conflict time he went in hiding in the Batticalo forest to escape and later he got married. He got married on condition that he has to look after his younger sister. She agreed and later they bought me jewelry and got me married off.
Now I got 3 children. My husband is not a good man. He kept me well for some time. They arranged a grand wedding for me printing the invitation cards and all thinking he was a good man. Those who brought the proposal didn’t tell about his real nature. At that time we didn’t know anything. He is a spend-thrift, nothing else. My brother gave him a dowry, also gave money for him to start a business and he also bought me the wedding chain.
After marriage at the early stage he would give me Rs80 or Rs150 for expenses. Then he had no money to give, he borrowed money and the interest got added up. To settle that he sold my Pendant for Rs500. Will they give money for free? Likewise I have a lot of debt. When I tell my husband not to borrow he would scold me saying “I would not borrow if you give me money for my expense”. When I ask him for money he would hit me and torture me. When things were such, our children born. We had to buy clothes for the kids. He would go and get cloths from the shops for the kids. After some time he wished to go abroad. I agreed and he went abroad with by spending his own money. He went abroad and sent Rs 5000 per a month. With three children, four of us have to eat. Have to settle electricity and water bills. Have to take care of the school expenses.
To manage all that expenses I had to borrow money, later I would settle them with the money he sends. Would get things for food from the shops and later would pawn my jewelry to settle the debts in shops. Looking at my situation, my brother and all called him and told that the money he sends home is not enough. After that he started sending Rs7500 per month. But that is also not enough. I had to buy two bags of rice per month for my children. Then we need to buy curry, tamarind and all. For the current situation we would at least need Rs 500 (per month?). I can somehow manage the things only if I have money. If I talk something he would hit me. By getting beaten by him I had to get admitted at the hospital for chest pain.
Three of my children are studying. Since they are studying, sometimes he would give money for them for exam fees, sometimes he would not give. He would buy us the morning food. It’s the children who eat. When the food is not enough I give my food for them. If we give children money for food they don’t eat they would use that money to buy books and exercise books. Now I don’t ask him anything. Even if I ask he wouldn’t give. When children ask for some cloths they like, he wouldn’t buy them. He would on his own choose and buy clothes for them.
Now didn’t go to shop for a month, we spend form his saving. When I face difficulties it’s my brother who would come running to see me. My husband fell down and cannot walk now for a month. I am the one who takes care of him. He got hurt in his hip. I would oil him and bath him and give food. My brother takes him in auto for treatment. One of my kids is 17, one is 16 and the other one is 9.
He is good but, he would be stingy, would quarrel with me, and suspicious. If this is my fate till my death, what could I do? Because of my children, especially for my daughters’ sake I manage. They love me so much, I buy whatever the things that they ask for, so they are sympathetic towards me. My husband is not happy about them being attached to me. He would ask my children why they don’t talk to him when he is the one who earns for the family.
We are three in the family. One elder sister, her husband is also like mine. He is also stingy – money matters him the most, and beat my sister. She couldn’t bear the difficulties, when her child was just 6 months; she died by taking poison mixed with kerosene. It’s okay if he is only stingy, but he was so suspicious. She couldn’t go to the road, he would get suspicious. Due to that she quarreled with him and died thinking she couldn’t live with him anymore.
I should take care of my children, bring them up, and take care of their education. There is no future for me; it’s only their future that is left. I tried to go abroad but due to medical issues that didn’t succeed.