Across fences..
The widow speaks about her experiences from the war and life in refugee camps
වැටවල් හරහා
යුද්ධයේ දී ඇගේ ස්වාමිපුරුෂයා අහිමි වූ කාන්තාව ඇගේ යුද්ධ අත්දැකීම් සහ කඳවුරු ජීවිතය පිළිබඳ කතා කරයි.
வேலிகளினூடாக
போரில் கணவனை இழந்த பெண்ணொருத்தி தனது யுத்தகால அனுபவங்களையும், முகாம் வாழ்க்கை பற்றியும் கூறுகிறார்.
Name : Konsala Akkinesamma
Place : Aandankulam
Date of Birth : 1969.10.13
We are four children in our family. All are female. My father looked after us by way of sand mining work. I have studied up to A/Level. I am 46 years old. My husband willingly married me. They gave us paddy field. My husband did not study much. He looked after us by earning from loading bags of paddy. I have one daughter. When I talk about her father, she always cries. Now she is 15 years old. During the war, we displaced to places like Madu and Kilinochchi. We went to Valaignarmadum in Mullaitivu. The war intensified when we were there. It was difficult to move into the Army controlled area. But we tried. We lived in a shelter near St. Mary’s Church. During the last war in 2009, bomb shells were dropped during at night. We were in the church. The shell dropped on my husband’s chest. I could not go to see him. Firing was taking place there.
My elder sister’s husband took him to Maththalan hospital that night. On 23rd, those who were with me asked me to go and see my husband at hospital. My father and mother took care of my daughter. I tried to go by an ambulance. But, they refused to take me. At that time, one of my distant relatives took me to the hospital on a motor bicycle.
At that time, just a little while ago, shells were dropped at the hospital. They were taking many dead bodies using rake. I searched for my husband and saw him lying on a heap of sand. He asked something to drink or a cup of tea. I brought him plain tea. On the way, I slipped on blood and fell down. I could not give him the plain tea. He vomited blood at that time. He was feeble. Then, they registered to send him by ship for treatment. He asked about our daughter. He asked me to lift him. I could not lift him as I was hungry.
After much effort, I rested him on me. He asked for water. He was murmuring. I gave him water little by little. Flies moved on him. I chased the flies. I gave some water. He slightly rested on me. I thought he was sleeping as he had not slept well. At that time my cousin came there. I told him the matter. When he saw him, he had passed away. Later, with the help of the tigers, we took his body to the church where we stayed. I decided to perform the final rituals with the help of the priest.
My daughter refused to see her father’s body. I somehow made her see the body. She cried. Later, I dragged the body and put it into a pit and filled with sand.
Then we could not stay in that place. People died of hunger. I tried to go to the army with my relatives. We were caught twice by the movement. They took us to a school. Only I and daughter were there. We called others but nobody came. In order to save my daughter, I pushed her head into a Palmyra log and covered her body with mine. Shells dropped and we were covered with sand. Sand went into my daughter’s nose and she found it difficult to breath.
01
Later, I tied my daughter to my waist and came out of the school. We went into the nearby bunker but the movement fired shells from the bunker. All the four bunkers were attacked by shells. Only our bunker was left out.
But, It was dark everywhere. We somehow came out of the bunker. There were people wearing uniforms of the movement and army. Then the movement took us to a beach area. We joined the army after much difficulties.
The army did not give food. They threw buns and biscuits. Those who catch them got food. To quench thirst, we drank muddy water from small ponds.
Later, the army put us in a camp in the jungle. Then transferred us to Vu/ Tamil Maha Vidyalaya. There, we could talk to our relatives through barbed wire fence only. We stayed there under hot sun even without water facility. After some time, they told us that they were going to send us home. We felt happy to hear that. However, I felt sad to go to our house, as my husband would not be there. Then, group by group, we arrived our village. When we reached our village, my house was surrounded by bushes. We put up a small cottage and lived there. I felt sad seeing my husband’s things and thinking of him.
For some time, we lived with the help of my sister. Then, I thought of raising up my life on my own. With the help of the villagers, I engaged in paddy cultivation. Many organizations helped for my daughters studies. I deposited the money earned from the first cultivation at the bank and I used it for the next cultivation. Later, I used some employees for cultivation work and paid them. As the harvest was poor, there was no profit. So, I became a debtor. As many people advised me, I continued paddy cultivation. The price of paddy too was high. I opened a bank account on my daughter’s name using the profit. Then, I started making ‘Vadai’, Patties and breakfast and sell them to the nearby boutiques and deposit the money in my daughter’s account. Also, I continue paddy cultivation. I obtained a small loan. I got a good profit from the last season’s paddy cultivation. Using this money, I built my house. I have been still renovating my house which was given under housing scheme.
As I think a lot, I have loss of memory problem and I forget few thing quickly. The effect of the war is still remains. My daughter is also afraid. She is that nature. I advise her. I tell her about the future. I am taking classes to three children.
I feel sad when people at school say that my daughter has no father. As I now have a good income and live on my own, I live a happy life. However, mentally, I still do not have happiness and consolation.
The present society is in a worse condition. There is discrimination as we are windows. The neighbours come for safety. We live with trust in God. The present younger generation wishes to enjoy life as what they see in films. It is in theS worst stage because of Telephone and TV.
What is the position of the missing persons? What is the answer for them? I do not expect anything from the government. If there is a way to live the day to day life, it is enough.
Sgd. K. Akkinesamah
නම : ගොන්සාල් අකිනේශම්මා
ස්ථානය : ආන්ඩාන්කුලම්
උපන් දිනය : 13.10.1969
අපේ පවුලේ 4 දෙනාම ගැහැණු දරුවන්. පියා පස් කැපීමෙන් හා වැවේ වැඩ කිරීමෙන් අපේ පවුල රැක බලා ගත්තා. මා උසස් පෙළ තෙක් ඉගෙන ගත්තා. මගේ වයස අවුරුදු 46 යි. කැමැත්තෙන් තමයි විවාහය සිදුවුණේ. සැමියාගේ පැත්තෙන් කුඹුරු ඉඩම් ලැබුණා. සැමියා එතරම් අධ්යාපනයක් ලැබූ පුද්ගලයෙක් නෙවෙයි. ඔහු වී ගෝනි වාහන වලට පැටවීමෙන් ආදායමක් උපයාගෙන අපේ පවුල රැක බලා ගත්තා. මට දියණියක් ඉන්නවා. පියා ගැන සඳහන් කරන කොට ඇය අඬනවා. දුවගේ වයස අවුරුදු 15 යි. යුද්ධ කාලයේදී මඩු කිලිනොච්චි වැනි ප්රදේශ වලට අපි අවතැන්වී ගියා. මුලතිව් වලයිඥර්මඩම් ප්රදේශයටත් ගියා. එහි සිටින විට යුද්ධය ඉතා දරුණු ලෙස පැතිරුණා. හමුදා පාලන ප්රදේශ වලට යාමට නොහැකි තත්ත්වයක් තිබුණා. නමුත් අපි එසේ යාමට උත්සාහ දැරුවා. පල්ලිය ලඟ ස්ථානයක පැල්පතක් හදා ගෙන එහි ජීවත් වුණා. දවසක් 2009 අවසන් යුද්ධයේදී දවසක් රාත්රී වේලාවේ ෂෙල් ප්රහාරයක් එල්ල වුණා. අප ඒ අවස්ථාවේ පල්ලියේ සිටියා. වෙන ස්ථානයක ෂෙල් එක වැටුනා. මගේ සැමියාගේ පපුවේ එය වැටුනා. එම ස්ථානයට ගොස් ඔහු බැලීමට හැකියාවක් ලැබුණේ නෑ. එතන තුවක්කු වෙඩි ප්රහාර එල්ල වෙමින් තිබුණා.
මගේ වැඩිමහල් සොහොයුරියගේ සැමියා එදා රාත්රියේ මාතලන් රෝහලට මගේ සැමියා රැගෙන ගියා. රෝහලට ගොස් සැමියා බලන ලෙස 23 වෙනි දින මා සමඟ සිටි අය මට කිව්වා. මගේ මව හා පියා මගේ දුව බලා ගත්තා. මා ගිලන් රථයක නැගී යාමට උත්සාහ කළා. නමුත් එම රථයට මාව ගැනීමට ඔවුන් එකඟ වුනේ නැහැ. එවිට දුර නෑයෙක් මාව යතුරු පැදියකින් රැගෙන ගියා.
අප එහි යන විට විනාඩි කීපයකට පෙර එම රෝහලට ෂෙල් ප්රහාරයක් එල්ලවී එම ස්ථානයෙන් විශාල ප්රමාණයේ මළ කඳන් ඉවත් කරමින් සිටියා.
මා මගේ සැමියා සොයා ගෙන ගියා. ඔහු එවිට වැලි ගොඩක වැටී සිටියා. බීමට යම් දෙයක් ලබාදෙන ලෙස ඔහු අපෙන් ඉල්ලූවා. ඔහුට ප්ලේන්ටි එකක් ගෙන දෙන ඉල්ලා සිටියා. මා ප්ලේන්ටි එක රැගෙන ආවා. එලෙස එන විට ලේ වලට ලිස්සී බිම වැටුණා. සැමියාට ප්ලේන්ටිය දෙන්න බැරි වුණා. එම අවස්ථාවේ ඔහු ලේ වමනය කරන්නට පටන් ගත්තා. ඉතාම දුර්වල තත්ත්වයක තමයි ඔහු සිටියේ. ඔහුව නැවෙන් රැගෙන ගොස් ප්රතිකාර ලබා දීමට ලියාපදිංචි කළා. පසුව ඔහු මගෙන් දුව කෝ කියා ඇසුවා. ඔහුව ඔසවන ලෙස ඉල්ලා සිටියා. මට ඔහු එසවීමට හැකියාවක් තිබුණේ නෑ. බර වැඩි නිසා එසේ කිරීමට නොහැකි වුණා.
ඉන්පසු ඉතා මහන්සියෙන් මා ඔහුට වතුර ටිකක් දුන්නා. ඔහුගේ ශරීරය පුරා මැස්සෝ වැසී තිබුණා. මම මැස්සන් එලෙව්වා. වතුර ටිකක් දුන්නා. ඔහු හෙමින් බිම වැතිරුණා. ඔහු නිදා ගන්නවා යැයි මා සිතුවා. එවිට මගේ මස්සිනා එහි පැමිණියා. ඔහුට මෙම කරුණු කිව්වා. ඔහු ඇවිත් බලන විට සැමියා මරණයට පත්වී සිටියා. පසුව ඔහුගේ මෘත දේහය කොටි සංවිධානයේ උදව්වෙන් අප සිටි පල්ලියට රැගෙන ගියා. පල්ලියේ පූජකවරයාගේ උදව්වෙන් අවසන් කටයුතු සිදුකරන බව තීරණය කළා. තමන්ට පියාගේ මෘත දේහය බැලිය නොහැකි බව දුව කීවා. කොහොම වුණත් ඇයට මම එය පෙන්නුවා. ඇය හඬා වැළපුණා. පසුව අපි ඔහුව රැගෙන ගොස් වැළලූවා.
ඉන්පසු එම ස්ථානයේ රැඳී සිටීමට අපට නොහැකි වුණා. කුසගින්න හේතුවෙන් මිනිස්සු මැරුණා. මගේ ඥාතීන් සමඟ හමුදා පාලන ප්රදේශයට යාමට උත්සාහ කරා. දෙවතාවක් කොටි සංවිධානය අපව ඇල්ලූවා. ඔවුන් අපව පාසලකට රැගෙන ගියා. එහි මමයි දුවයි පමණයි සිටියේ. අපි අන් අයට කතා කළා. ඔවුන් පැමිණියේ නැහැ. මම දුව ආරක්ෂා කර ගැනීම සඳහා තල් අත්තක් යට ඇය සඟවා තබා ගත්තා. ෂෙල් එකක් පතිතවී අප වටේට පස් කන්දක් බිහි වුණා. දුවගේ නාසය තුළට පස් ඇතුල්වී ඇයට හුස්ම ගැනීමට නොහැකි වුණා.
පසුව දුව ඔසවා ගෙන එම පාසලෙන් පිටට ගියා. ලඟ තිබූ බංකරය තුළට රිංගුවා. එම බංකරයට කොටි සංවිධානය ෂෙල් ප්රහාර එල්ල කළා. ඉන්පසු සියලූම බංකර වලට ප්රහාර එල්ල කළා. අප සිටි බංකර 4 ටත් ප්රහාර එල්ල කළා. අපගේ බංකරය පමණක් බේරුණා.
ඒ ප්රදේශයේ අවට දැඩි අඳුරක් පැතිරි තිබුණා. කෙසේ වෙතත්, අපි අපේ බංකර් වලින් පිටට පැමිණියා. එහි හමුදා නිල ඇඳුමින් හා කොටි නිල ඇඳුමින් සැරසී සිටි පුද්ගලයන් සිටියා. පසුව කොටි සංවිධානය මුහුදු වෙරළට ගියා. අපි දැඩි අපහසුතාවයකින් පසු හමුදාව සමඟ ගොස් එක් වුණා.
හමුදාව අපට ආහාර දුන්නේ නැහැ. බනිස්, බිස්කට් වැනි දේවල් ඔවුන් වීසි කෙරුවා. එය අල්ලා ගන්නා පුද්ගලයන්ට පමණයි ආහාර ලැබෙන්නේ. පිපාසය සංසිඳුවා ගැනීමට වතුර වලවල් වල තිබූ වතුර පානය කළා. ඉන්පසු හමුදාව අපව වනාන්තරයක් මැද තිබූ කඳවුරකට රැගෙන ගියා. එහි සිට වවුනියා දෙමළ මහා විද්යාලයේ අපිව නැවැත්තුවා. එහි සිට වැටවල් හරහා තමයි අපට ඥාතීන් සමඟ කතා කිරීමට සිදුවුණේ. දැඩි අව් රශ්මියක් පැවැති අතර, පානය කිරීමට අපට ජලය ලැබුණේ නැහැ. දින කීපයකට පසු අපි අපගේ නිවෙස් වලට යවන බව ඔවුන් කීවා. එවිට අපි සතුටට පත්වුණා. නමුත් මගේ සැමියා නොමැති එම නිවසට යාම පිළිබඳ දැඩි වේදනාවක් ඇති වුණා. ඉන්පසුව කොටස් වශයෙන් අපගේ නිවෙස් වලට පැමිණියා.
අපි පැමිණ බලන විට අපගේ නිවාස වටා ප්රදේශය කැලෑ බවට පරිවර්තනය වී තිබුණා. අප පොඩි පැල්පතක් තනා ගෙන එහි පදිංචි වුණා. මගේ සැමියා මතක් කරන ද්රව්යයන් බලන විට දැඩි දුකක් ඇති වුණා.
ඉන්පසු ටික කලක් මගේ සහෝදරියගේ රැකවරණයෙන් අපි ජීවත් වුණා. ඉන් අනතුරුව මගේ ජීවිතය මා විසින්ම දියුණු කර ගත යුතුයැයි සිතුවා. ගම් වැසියන්ගේ උදව්වෙන් ගොවිතැන් කටයුතුවල යෙදුණා. විවිධ සංවිධාන මගේ දියණියගේ අධ්යාපනයට සහන ලබා දුන්නා. පළමු අස්වැන්නෙන් ලැබූ මුදල බැංකුවේ තැන්පත් කොට එම මුදල නැවත ඊලඟ වාරයේ ගොවිතැන් කිරීම සඳහා පාවිච්චියට ගත්තා. ඉන්පසු කම්කරුවන් කීපදෙනෙක් යොදවා ඔවුන්ට කුලී ගෙවා ගොවිතැන් කටයුතුවල යෙදුණා. දෙවෙනි වර පළවෙනි වර මෙන් නොව අස්වැන්න අඩුවෙන් ලැබුණ නිසා ආදායමත් අඩු වුණා.
බොහෝ අයගේ උපදෙස් මත ගොවිතැන් කටයුතුවල යෙදෙමින් සිටිනවා. වී මිලත් ඉහළ මට්ටමක තිබුණා. එම මුදල් ලබාගෙන දුවගේ නමින් බැංකුවේ ගිණුමක් ආරම්භ කළා. ඉන්පසු ලඟ තිබෙන කඩවල් වලට වඬේ, පැටිස් වැනි උදේ ආහාර භාණ්ඩ විකුණා එයින් ලැබුනු මුදලූත් දියණියගේ බැංකු ගිණුමට තැන්පත් කළා. ඒ අතර වාරයේ ගොවිතැන් කටයුතු වලත් අඛණ්ඩව යෙදෙනවා. පොඩි ණය මුදලකුත් ලබා ගත්තා. අවසන් වරට ලැබුණු අස්වැන්නෙන් හොඳ ලාභයක් ලැබුණා. මගේ ශ්රමයේ ප්රතිඵලයක් වශයෙන් නිවස තනා ගත්තා. නිවාස යෝජනා ක්රමය විසින් මට ලැබුණු නිවස තවදුරටත් වැඩිදියුණු කළා.
බොහෝ සේ කල්පනා කරන නිසා මට අමතකවීම වැඩියි. සමහර දේවල් ක්ෂණිකව අමතක වෙනවා. යුද්ධයේ බලපෑම දැනටත් තිබෙනවා. මගේ දුවත් බය වෙනවා. ඇය ස්වභාවයෙන්ම බයෙන් ජීවත් වෙන ළමයෙක්. මම ඇයට උපදෙස් දෙනවා.
අනාගතය ගැන සඳහන් කරන්නේ නම් ළමයින් 3 දෙනෙකුට පන්ති පවත්වනවා. මගේ දුවට පියා නැති ළමයා කියා පාසලේදී කියන විට මට දුකක් ඇති වෙනවා. දැන් මගේම ශ්රමයෙන් උපයන මුදලින් ස්වාධීනව ජීවත්වෙන නිසා මානසික සතුටක් හා සහනයක් ලැබෙනවා.
වත්මන් සමාජය දැඩි ලෙස පිරිහී තිබෙනවා. වැන්දඹුවන් ලෙස සලකා අපව සමාජයෙන් කොන් කරනවා. ආරක්ෂාවත් ප්රශ්නයක්. දෙවියන් වහන්සේ ගැන විශ්වාසය තබා ජීවත් වෙනවා. අද කාලයේ තරුණයන් චිත්රපටි වැනි දේවල් බලා යථාර්ථයන් බවට පත් කර ගැනීමට උත්සාහ කරනවා. සමාජය දැඩි ලෙස පිරිහී තිබෙනවා. එයට දුරකථන, රූපවාහිණී වැනි දේවල් බලපෑම් කර තිබෙනවා.
අතුරුදහන් වූ පුද්ගලයන්ගේ තත්ත්වය? ඔවුන් සඳහා දෙන උත්තරය කුමක්ද? මම රජයෙන් කිසි දෙයක් බලාපොරොත්තු නොවෙමි. දෛනික ජීවිතය ගත කිරීමට මාර්ගක් තිබේ නම් එය ප්රමාණවත් වේ.
பெயர்: கொன்சால அக்கினேஸம்மா
இடம்: ஆண்டான் குளம்
பிறப்பு: 1969.10.13
எங்கள் வீட்டில் 4 சகோதரர்கள், 4 பேரும் பெண் பிள்ளைகள் அப்பா குளம் மண்வெட்டி தான் எங்களை காப்பாற்றினார். நான் உயர்தரம் வரை படித்திருக்கிறேன். எனக்கு 46 வயது விரும்பி திருமணம் செய்தார்கள். அவர்கள் சார்பாக வயல் நிலம் தந்தார்கள். கணவன் அவ்வளவாக படிக்கவில்லை. நெல் மூடை ஏற்றிதான் எங்களை காப்பாற்றினார். எனக்கு ஒரு மகள். தந்தையைப் பற்றி கூறும் போது அழுவாள். இப்போது மகளுக்கு 15 வயது. போர் நேரம். மடு கிளிநொச்சி போன்ற இடங்களுக்கு இடம்பெயர்ந்தோம். முல்லைத்தீவு வலைஞர் மடத்தில் பயப்பாதையாக சென்றோம். அங்கு இருக்கும் போதுதான் யுத்தம் உக்கிரமாக இருந்தது. ஆமியின் (இராணுவத்தின் கட்டுப்பாட்டிற்கு செல்ல கஷ்டமாக இருந்தது. ஆனால் முயற்சி செய்தோம். மாதா கோயிலடியில் ஒரு தரப்பால் கொட்டிலில்தான் வசித்தோம். ஒருநாள் 2009 இறுதி யுத்தத்தில் ஒரு நாளில் இரவு செல் விழுந்தது. நாங்கள் கோயிலில் இருந்தோம். செல் எங்கயோ விழுந்து என் கணவனின் நெஞ்சில் விழுந்தது. என்னால் அவரை பார்க்க போக முடியவில்லை. அங்கு துப்பாக்கி தாக்குதல் இடம்பெற்றது.
என் அக்காவின் கணவன் இரவே மாத்தலால் என்ற இடத்தில் வைத்தியசாலைக்கு கொண்டு செல்வார். 23 ஆம் திகதி என்னோடு இருந்தவர்கள். என் கணவனை வைத்தியசாலைக்கு சென்று பார்க்குமாறு சொன்னார்கள். என் அம்மாவும் அப்பாவும் என் மகளை பார்த்துக் கொண்டார்கள். நான் எம்புலன்ஸ் ஒன்றில் ஏறி செல்லப் பார்த்தேன்.ஆனால் என்னை அதில் ஏற்றிச் செல்ல மறுத்தனர். அந்த வேளையில் என் தூரத்தில் சொந்தக்காரர் ஒருவர் மோட்டார் சைக்கிள் ஒன்றில் ஏற்றிச் சென்றார்.
அந்த நேரம் சற்று நேரத்திற்கு முன்தான் வைத்தியசாலைக்கு செல் விழுந்து நிறைய சடலங்களை குப்பைவாரியால் எடுத்துக் கொண்டு இருந்தனர். என் கணவனை தேடி எப்படியாவது தேடிச் சென்றேன். அப்போது என் கணவன் ஒருமணல் திடலில் விழுந்து கிடக்க குடிக்க ஏதாவது தருமாறு கேட்டார். பிளேன்டி வாங்கி வந்தேன். வாங்கி வரும் போது இரத்தத்தில் வழுக்கி விழுந்தேன். எனக்கு பிளேன்டியை கொடுக்க முடியவில்லை. அந்த நேரமும் அவருக்கு இரத்த வாந்தி எடுத்தார். அவருக்கு ஏலாமல் இருந்தது. அந்த நேரம் வந்து கப்பலில் ஏற்றி செய்துசிகிச்சை செய்ய பதிந்தனர்.
பின்னர் என் மகன் எங்கே என்று கேட்டார். என்னை தூக்குமாறு கேட்டார். என்னால் தூக்க முடியவில்லை. பசியால் இருந்தபடியால் என்னால் அவரை தூக்க முடியவில்லை.
கஷ்டப்பட்டு என் மேல் அவரை சாய்த்தேன். பின் தண்ணீர் கேட்டார். உலத்திக் கொண்டே இருந்தார். கொஞ்சம் கொஞ்சம் தண்ணீர் கொடுத்தேன். இலையான் நிறைய அவரை மொய்த்தது. நான் இலையான் விரட்டி விரட்டி இருந்தேன். கொஞ்சம் தண்ணீர் கொடுத்தேன் இலேசாக சாய்ந்தார். நித்திரை கொள்ளாமல் இருந்ததால் நான் அவர் செய்கிறார் என எண்ணி இருந்தேன். அப்போது ஏன் மச்சான் வந்தார் அவருக்குவிடயத்தை சொன்னேன். அவர் வந்து பார்க்கும் போது அவர் இறந்து விட்டார். பின்னர் அவரது உடலை புலிகளின் உதவியால் நாங்கள் இருந்த கோயிலுக்கு கொண்டு சென்றோம். மதகுருவின் உதவியோடு இறுதி சடங்கு செய்ய தீர்மானித்தேன்.
பின் தந்தையின் சடலத்தை பார்க்க என் மகள் மறுத்தாள். எப்படியாவது பார்க்க செய்தேன். அவள் கத்தி அழுதாள். பின்னர் அவரை இழுத்துக் கொண்டு சென்று மண்குழியில் போட்டு தேடினேன்.
பின் அந்த இடத்தில் இருக்க முடியாமல் போனது. பசியால் மக்கள் இறந்தனர். இராணுவத்திடம் செல்லாமல் என் உறவினர்களோடு செல்ல முயற்சித்தேன். இயக்கத்தினால் 2 தடவை பிடிபட்டோம். இயக்கம் எங்களை ஒரு பள்ளிகூடத்திற்கு கொண்டு சென்றனர். அதில் நானும் மகளும் மட்டும்தான் இருந்தோம். கூப்பிட்டோம். ஆனால் யாரும் வரவில்லை. நான் மகளை காப்பாற்றிக் கொள்ள ஒரு பனைக்குற்றியில் மகளின் தலையை செலுத்தி உடலை என் உடலால் மூடினேன். செல் வந்து விழுந்தது மன் எல்லாம் எங்களை மூடியது. மகள் மூச்சினுள் மண் சென்று மூச்செடுக்க கஷ்டப்பட்டேன்.
பின்னர் மகளை இடுப்பில் கட்டிக் கொண்டு பாடசாலைக்கு வெளியே சென்றோம். பக்கத்தில் இருந்த பங்கரில் நிலைத்தோம். பின் அந்த பங்கரில் இருந்து இயக்கம் செல் அடிக்கிறது. பின்னர் இருந்த பங்கரில் எல்லாவற்றிற்கும் செல் அடித்தான். இருந்த 4 பங்கரும் செல் அடித்தனர். எங்கள் பங்கர் மட்டும் தப்பித்தது.
ஆனால் ஒரே இருளாக இருந்தது. எப்படியாவது பங்கரில் இருந்து வௌியே வந்தோம். வௌியே இயக்கம் உடையுடனும், இராணுவத்திடனும் உடையுடனும் இருந்தனர். பின்னர் இயக்கம் ஒருகடலுக்கு கொண்டு சென்றது. மிகவும் சிரமத்தோடு இராணுவத்தோடு சேர்ந்தோம்.
இராணுவம் உணவு தரவில்லை. பனிஸ் பிஸ்கட் எல்லாம் வீசுவார்கள் அதை பிடிப்பவர்களுக்குத்தான் உணவு தண்ணீர் தாகத்திற்கு குட்டைகளில் கலங்கி இருந்த நீரை குடித்தோம்.
பின் இராணுவம் ஒரு காட்டுக்குள் முகாம் ஒன்றினுள் போட்டார்கள். பின் அங்கிருந்து வவு-த.மகா வித்தியாலத்திற்கு போட்டார்கள். அங்கு கம்பி வேலிகளூடாக தான் உறவினர்களோடுகதைக்கலாம். கடும் வெயிலில் நீர் வசதியும் இல்லாமல் இருந்தோம். பின் சில நாட்களில் எங்களை வீடுகளுக்கு அனுப்பப் போவதாக கூறினார்கள். அப்போதுசந்தோசமடைந்தோம். ஆனாலும் என் கணவர் இல்லாத அந்த வீட்டிற்கு செல்ல கவலையாக இருந்தது.
பின்னர் ஒவ்வொரு பிரிவாக எங்களை கிராமங்களுக்கு வந்து சேர்ந்தோம்.
வந்து சேரும் போது எமது வீட்டைச் சுற்றி காடாக இருந்தது. நாங்கள் சின்ன கொட்டு ஒன்றை அமைத்து வாழ்ந்து வந்தோம். வந்த பின்னர் என் கணவனின் நினைவுகளை பொருட்களை காணும் போது துக்கமாக இருந்தது.
பின்னர் கொஞ்ச காலம் என் சகோதரியின் அரவணைப்பால் வாழ்ந்து வந்தோம். பின்னர் நானே என் வாழ்க்கையை உயர்த்த யோசித்தேன். ஊரவர்களின் உதவியோடு வௌ்ளாமை செய்ய ஆரம்பித்தேன். பல நிறுவனங்கள் என் மகளின் கல்விக்கு உதவினார்கள். முதல் வௌ்ளாமையால் கிடைத்த பணத்தை வங்கியில் வைப்பிலிட்டு அந்த பணத்தை பின்னர் அடுத்த வௌ்ளாமை செய்ய பாவித்தேன். பின்னர் சிலரை வைத்து கூலி கொடுத்து வௌ்ளாமை செய்துவந்தேன்.
முதல் வௌ்ளாமை குறைவாக இருந்ததால் இலாபம் இருக்கவில்லை. எனவே மேலதிக கடனாளியாக இருந்தேன். பின் பலரின் ஆலோசனைப்படி தொடர்ந்து விவசாயம் செய்ய தொடங்கினேன். பின்னர் நெல் விளையும் நல்ல நிலையில் இருந்தது. அந்த பணத்தைக் கொண்டு மகளின் பெயரில் ஒரு வங்கி கணக்கை ஆரம்பித்தேன். பின்னர் அருகில் உள்ள கடைகளுக்குவடை பெடிஸ் காலை உணவுபோன்றவற்றை விற்றுஅந்த பணத்தை எடுத்து மகளின் கணக்கில் போட்டு வருகிறேன். அத்தோடு தொடர்ந்துவிவசாயம் செய்து வந்தேன். சிறுதொகை கடனும் எடுத்தேன். கடைசியாக செய்த வௌ்ளாமையால் நல்ல இலாபம் கிடைத்தது. அந்த உழைப்பின் பயனாக எனது வீட்டைக் கட்டினேன். வீட்டுத் திட்டத்தின் மூலம் கிடைத்த வீட்டை இன்னும் அபிவிருத்தி செய்து வருகிறேன்.
நிறைய யோசிக்கிற படியால் எனக்குமந்த குணம் உள்ளது. சில விடயங்களை கெதியாக மறந்துவிடுவேன். யுத்தத்தின் தாக்கம் இப்போதும் உள்ளது. மகளும் பயப்படுவாள். அவள் பயந்த சுபாவம் கொண்டவள். நான் அறிவுரை கூறுவேன். எதிர்காலத்தைப் பற்றி சொல்வேன்.
3 பேருக்கு வகுப்பு எடுக்கிறேன். அப்பா இல்லாத பிள்ளை என்று பாடசாலையில் குறிப்பிட்டு சொல்லும் போது மனம் கலங்கினேன். தற்போது நன்றாக உழைத்து சொந்த காலில் நின்றுவாழ்வதால் சந்தோசமாக வாழ்கிறேன். ஆனால் மனரீதியாக இன்னும் எனக்கு சந்தோசம் ஆறுதல் இல்லை.
இப்போது இருக்கும் சமூகம் ஒரு சீரழிந்த நிலையில் காணப்படுகின்றது. விதவைகள் என்ற பெயரில் ஒதுக்கப்படுகின்றோம். பாதுகாப்பு அயலவர்கள் வருவார்கள். கடவுள் நம்பிக்கையோடு வாழ்கிறோம். தற்கால இளைஞர்கள் திரைப்படங்களில் உள்ளவற்றை பார்த்து உண்மையாக அனுபவிக்கப் பார்க்கின்றார்கள். சரியான சீரழிந்த நிலையில் உள்ளது. தொலைபேசி தொலைக்காட்சி போன்றவற்றால்.
காணாமல் போனோரின் நிலை? அவர்களுக்கான பதில் என்ன? அரசாங்கத்திடம் நான் எதுவும் எதிர்பார்க்கவில்லை. நாளாந்தம் வாழ ஒரு வழி இருந்தால் போதும்
